Oh yeah

My brother Ben won some prize last night. Check this shit out.

Very fucking nice.

Summer projects

I've stacked up some summer projects for while I get my head together. Some I don't want to mention just yet. But others I will.

I've got some paintings to do, which I'm idly planning now. This includes, among other things, another altarpiece. I'm thinking an Adoration of the Magi, and I'm also thinking of designing the composition from scratch, old school stylz. I mentioned it to Rose's son Jules, and he said 'I'll be Jesus!' Tsk tsk, the youth of today. 'No,' I answered, 'you can't be Jesus, but you can be a guard or a saint or something.' One of the Magi perhaps.

This altarpiece will be completely straight. I've got nothing against Jesus. He was a top bloke. I'm going to take my time over it. Just do some initial sketches and research over summer, and the main painting over winter. I am very excited about this. Come hell or high water, it will happen.

Vaguely related to this project is another summer project: to learn some rudimentary Latin grammar. I'd like to be able to come up with Latin phrases that are reasonably accurate by myself. It would also be useful to read stuff that doesn't have an English translation attached. I've borrowed an introductory beginner's Latin book, and had a gander at what I'm getting myself into. It's quite daunting. Such an insanely logical language! Those bloody Romans. Amazing and terrifying all at once.

Groan

Well, last week was quite full on. First there was setting up my show. The stupid pills they had me on made that a nightmare. But it got done, which it wouldn't have without some invaluable help from some solid people. I'm so happy with how the altarpiece worked out (it's a Xmas show you see). All my experiments worked! I still can't believe it.

I'm going to see the shrinks again next week. I'm off the pills now, and the lingering side-effects (absolutely horrible) are waning. I'm beginning to feel like me again, not some unrecognisable monster. I think they're going to want to try to experiment with more of their crude primitive drugs, but I'm not having any of it. No fucking way.

The end of last week was quite a blast. My opening, which started out an anxious blur but ended up quite fun, and then Prospect, which was insane. I managed to go to the loo and go outside for a cigarette. Crossing the room twice to do those things took the entire opening. I'll go see the actual show later this week. And put up the stupid marketing form I filled out, which was not-so-politely refused when offered. Who's inane idea was that anyway? Absolutely dreadful. Then to try to manage the responses. Ick.

(Speaking of, I really didn't like the efforts to manage the after-party either so got the fuck out of Dodge. Who wants to be herded like primary school children? Who thought that was a good idea?)

And losing Kate immediately after this show? Makes the show a bit of a waste of time really eh?

But anyway.

Then there was Saturday. I watched a bit of the election courage. Thank fuck for the Greens! Hopefully, they'll be able to work sensibly with the other opposition parties to provide an effective opposition. The next few years are bleak as.

I'm really worried about being able to carry on painting. I need to work out how to do that. It's not looking good.

Or I burn everything and go live in a cave as a hermit. That has a certain undeniable appeal.

Final preparations

Theme song

Something in Wellington to go to

Egg-sucking for young children (the come down's a bitch episode 51,000,000)

1. Read lots of books, especially Nietzsche. The earlier the Nietzsche the better. Reading includes looking at pictures.
2. Draw self-portraits. Start by staring yourself in the eye in the mirror for hours on end. It's ok to go to the loo or eat or drink, just go straight back to the mirror. Then draw without looking at the page.
3. Don't whatever you do ever kill yourself. You don't know what's going to happen next. But you can bet your bottom dollar it's nothing you're expecting. And fuck it anyway cos:
4. It doesn't matter whether you win or lose but how you play the game. Dance motherfuckers dance! Only stop when you're dead.
5. Nothing matters. Nothing is all there is. Sprezza-fucking-tura.

And youtube the fuck out of this

Now for the best song ever:

And people laugh when I say they're the best band in the world. In all the worlds. (Cue maniacal laughter.)

Some other people reckon he doesn't make any sense. That it's just nonsense.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Time to Cope

Some things to go to

I've left it a bit late cos I've been otherwise occupied away from the internet but there's a fair bit of good art to see in the next couple of weeks.

At Hamish's at the moment is Shane Cotton of course. I managed to have a chat with Shane at the opening, which I very much enjoyed. He told me about Te Kooti and I him about Dada. Two things that go together well.

At McLeavey's this evening is Bill Hammond, which I'm very much looking forward to seeing. Bill Hammond shows are always a revelation. Amazing surfaces (and everything else).

Then there's next week's craziness. Patrick and Michael up at Ivan's on Wednesday, which I wish I could go to [and which I got all wrong at the first go cos, being an idiot, I saw the first email but not the second]. However, I can't cos there's the small matter of getting my show ready to open on Thursday night.

Then there's Prospect at the City Gallery on Friday, which several friends of mine are in. I'm very much looking forward to seeing that. I have a lot of time for Kate Montgomery, who curated the show. It's a great pity she's leaving the City.

Then, for something completely different, there's the election on Saturday. It's been hilarious so far. I'm quite looking forward to the results. I don't have a dog in the race (though I'm sure it'll be a game of one side, and democracy will be the loser on the day). I am very much enjoying watching from the sidelines, heckling.

Whatever happens, there will still be good paintings to look at. I wouldn't mind being a post-apocalyptic cave painter (too much).

Cartoon competition

Ha ha

Oh yeah

I went to see the shrinks today. Well, when I say 'shrinks' I mean mental health professionals, of whatever kind. They like to get different people's perspectives on things, of which I heartily approve.

The final diagnosis is not in yet, but I get the impression I might not even be officially mad at all. Or if so only a very little bit. I was horrified when they mentioned the doses of the pills I'm on that other people take. I'm on the lowest dose, a very very mild dose that's only meant to help me sleep, nothing else.

Unfortunately, the side-effects are far too full on. The cost outweighs the benefit by rather a large margin. I can't think, and I can't concentrate. Most worryingly, I can't work! I'm all over the place, blithering like a fool and wasting my time. When I have some clear space around me, we shall experiment with finding interim replacement pills.

I was worried about getting my show done how I want it, because I've run out of time to piss around in, but after having several discussions with sensible people who are not drugged up and hopelessly confused I'm not any more. It's all good (hopefully!). I'm so looking forward to seeing it.

This year may well be a write off in some respects, but if I get two good shows out of it I'll be happy. And I have plans! Exciting plans.

Caption contest

If you go here and scroll down, you'll find a mention of my upcoming show at Robert's, which is really not very far away at all.

I've warned Rose to be careful what she says about that painting. It hasn't been named yet. Very tempted by the noun preceded by a string of adjectives she used to describe it.

Heh heh.

Sick

I'm sick of it. Sick of people telling me what I 'really' think, am 'really' saying, am 'really' committed to, or am 'really' serious about. I am sick of being dicked over by cynical hypocrites who think themselves clever for manipulating the letter of their responsibility while pissing on its spirit. I am sick to death of human beings.

Ugly, selfish, and stupid. Nasty horrible things. Where are the redeeming benefits? Good people are hard to find.

This is why I spend all my time with my pictures, my partner, and my friends. Something not to lose sight of.

And again