No talent

In a fit of drunken enthusiasm in amongst the moving madness last week, I got on to Prime’s website and applied for an audition for New Zealand’s Got Talent for Can’t Play Won’t Play.

When asked to describe our act, I said ‘The name of the band describes the band.’ When asked why I thought we had the talent to win, I said ‘Our magic intertemporal avant-garde art powers.’ When asked who I most wanted to be proud of us, I said ‘Ourselves. As common-sense nihilists, we create our own meaning and purpose.’

Sure enough, the first letter for me at the new place was something from them saying we have been selected for an audition on Saturday. This occasioned a bit of debate within the band. While it may be an opportunity to get common-sense nihilism, as a local intertemporal avant-garde art movement, in front of a large prime-time tv audience, they expect quite a lot.

Not only do they want copyright in the performance, but they want you to waive your moral rights – in particular, the right of integrity, which is the right of an author or performer to object to treatment of a work, film, or performance that demeans their reputation.

So, what they’re asking for is us to show up early on Saturday morning, stand around in queues outside for hours on end whatever the weather (without smoking!), bring and set everything up, and give up all rights to our work – all so low rent tv entertainers can make fun of us for five seconds.

The sad thing is that people will happily do all this, just because they want to be on the telly.