Can't Play Won't Play playing

My band Can't Play Won't Play will be performing live for the very first time at the open mike thing at the Adelaide this evening. After drunkenly heckling last week I rashly put us down to play, and so we've had to come up with something to can't play. If somehow everything goes to plan, we'll do four original (if somewhat minimal) songs and cover a Dada manifesto from 1920. It will of course be a total shambles.