05 December 2005

Some documentation

I think the term side-effect's a bit of a misnomer. Surely a drug has a range of effects, and what we call side-effects are simply the set of unintended effects from the particular combination of effects a particular drug that's been designed to perform only one or two has. I've started some medication recently and am now about to attempt to document the unintended effects I've been experiencing the last few days.

I haven't been sleeping. I've been stumbling a lot and all jittery and agitated. I've been raving a lot but also really forgetful, often completely forgetting a conversation minutes after it's happened. I've been replacing words with others that sound similar but bear no other relation to the one I meant in that context. I've been making all sorts of stupid spelling and punctuation errors, which is very uncharacteristic. I've been getting obsessively focused on one thing for hours at a time. It's been quite fun to be honest, and useful, but I'm extremely difficult to be around and interact with. I'm putting Rose through the wringer. Hopefully it'll settle down soon.

Paul and I went to and tidied up the studio last night, which was a particularly good thing to do - getting rid of the piles of chaos and beer bottles.

7 comments:

paintergirl said...

ok the no sleeping bit is not good. it's good though you cleaned up the studio. Kind of a clearing out the cobwebs. I hope everything gets better. It snowed here and we're expecting more. You just take a nice long sun bathe and draw and write in your sketchbook!

David said...

Mum reckons I couldn't sleep even as a baby. I couldn't get to sleep till two or three on a regular and ongoing basis until my late twenties, around thirty odd (when I started settling down and mellowing out more generally). Then it eased back to between half eleven and half twelve (that's 'half past' not 'half towards' as some people do it). These things have just exacerbated the old pattern I reckon, so because of having had to get through boarding school (lights out at nine in the third form, no sleep and racing thoughts till three every single night, not to mention the systematic sleep deprivation experiments I put myself through in my early twenties) I have a fairly good idea of what I'm dealing with and just ride it out and hopefully make some use of it. Nearly stayed up all night last night. Took herbal sleeping pills and managed to get to sleep around fiveish I think. We'll see what the doc has to say when I see him in about half an hour.

Clearing out the cobwebs was exactly it. Good thing Paul was there, otherwise I'd've never've known where to begin (like the last few times I'd tried when he was away).

stephen said...

Hmmmm side-effects. Yes, misnomer. There's "unwanted effects" and "settling-in effects". Normally the latter is an intersection of the former, and mainly due to things like toxic saturation, metabolism and so forth. The idea normally is that the "unwanted" settling-in effects reduce to a predictable rate over the first 21 or so days.

How long has it been?

David said...

I think it started getting full on after about a week of starting taking them. My memory's a bit patchy but.

Lilly said...

David, I am really sorry to hear you're not well. I had no idea until I saw your post -- I am sorry if I've missed it in previous posts [?]

Side/unwanted effects: tricky thing....I've been struggling with pains for just about a year now; they are still trying to diagnose me. Meanwhile, I have to be patient -- making life somewhat miserable for my other half [I dunno what I'd do without him and his patience] -- and my doctor keeps perscribing different types of pain killers for me. I don't like taking them at all and push myself quite far pain-wise before I take any. He went as far as suggesting anti-depressants, to which I said NO. It is not my mind that is hurting; though he explained that their purpose in my specific case would be one of 'eliminating' the pain I feel elsewhere....they would do 'something' to the brain that would affect the pain signals my body's sending to my brain or something like that...I worry about side effects. Just because it hurts does not mean I want to take anything. I am concerned about constantly attempting to suppress the pain -- I would rather that they actually found out what the hell is causing the pain. Examination on Jan 2. Again.

Sorry -- dunno where all that came from. It's the first time I 'go public' about my pain online.....didn't mean to rant; needed to get a bit off my chest I guess.

Hope you're feeling better anyway, David :-D

David said...

Oh man, what is it that's doing this to us?

Stick to your guns Lilly. You're exactly right to not to want to mask the pain or fool your brain - you want to solve the actual problem.

My brother calls me a 'stubborn opinionated asshole' but I prefer the term 'independent minded'. I went for yonks pretending everything's okay, but I'm really glad I decided to tell people and be upfront about it. It's good to get things off your chest. Makes all the difference.

Lilly said...

LOL @ 'stubborn opinionated asshole'

:-) Cheers David -- only my close family, and Alan naturally, reall know about it. But it sure as hell has changed me as a person; unfortunately. I have so little patience and get angry very easily -- because I am both in pain and frustrated because no one seems to know why. It's hard to put on a brave face all the time -- but it's helped a lot to talk to those around me and actually tell them why my fuse is rather short these days.

It's good to talk -- you're right :-) -- but I sometimes have a tendency to withdraw and keep things to myself simply because I don't want to worry those who are dear to me. But that's not always the right way to go about it....

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