19 December 2005

The here and now

It's been a fairly harrowing day, but I'm now feeling pretty good. I'm ensconced in McF's place in Waikanae up the Coast, and very pleasant it is too. Rose drove me up and helped me suss out the 20 point instruction list for 'bare maintenance' of the household that's been left for me before leaving me to it. I want to see the full maintenance set, with maps and diagrams and all.

I have a ridiculous amount of stuff with me. Snide remarks such as '300 books for 3 days' were made as we were leaving the olds. My answer was that you never know what you're going to want to consult, but I didn't let on I'd picked up more from Rose's. I can't conceive how I'm going to begin considering how to sort my life out at the moment, so I'm not going to worry about it, relax, and do stupid drawings (i.e. not worry how they come out either), hence the need for reference material.

I went to see the doctor today and he's upped my dosage to 'a more therapeutic level' (I think is what he said (my memory is shot, along with other basic cognitive functions, so I s'pose 20 point lists aren't entirely out of order)). It may well zombify me again, but I think I can cope with that.

Oh yeah, I've sussed how to deal with these panic attack things. Part of it is you start to breathe rapidly and shallowly, so you just breathe in deep slowly and measuredly through your nose, hold it for a sec, and then let it out slowly and measuredly through your mouth a few times till your heart rate's come down. Sweet as.

Of course you don't think of these basic things when you're spinning out (which is partly why I've written it out in full like this - to help fix it in my head).

7 comments:

paintergirl said...

Even in your state you are very funny.

You never know what you might want to read-at least that's what I always say. I think I left one of my Martin Amis books at my moms just because I thought I would have the time. Never happened.

You should write a list of 20 things not to say to someone who is having panic attacks.

David said...

Ha, not a bad plan. Somehow, though, I think it'd be easier to list the five things you can say rather than trying to enumerate the 50 billion things you can't.

Lilly said...

Glad to hear you're feeling better, David -- and that you've worked out how to tackle these panic attacks. Good luck with that in praxis :-)

Yes, knowing in advance which book you will be up for reading in a day or two's time is impossible! I always bring tons of books with me -- and even then, I'll be like "Darn, I wish I had brought that X book and not put it back on the shelf!". But I think you should be safeguaded, David! :-D

PG: Do you like Martin Amis' books? And which ones have you read/do you like [if you do like them that is]?

paintergirl said...

Hey Lilly-
The firstand only Martin book I have read is Einstein's Monsters-short stories. I'm a post apocalyptic kind of girl, so I really loved these. I have others but have not read them yet. Waiting to be snowed in or something like that.

David said...

It doesn't help that they're mostly large, heavy hardback art books, most of which have just been sitting in a pile. Ridiculous.

paintergirl said...

exactly which is why one is at my mom's waiting to be rescued.

Lilly said...

Cheers for your reply, PG -- I bought and read his London Fields in '95 when I'd just moved to London [funnily enough]. It was ok as far as I recall. But I think it deserves a re-read now 10 years later....I've read a short story or two of his -- not that impressed. And I've got Time's Arrow sitting on the shelf -- a Danish translation that the local library was practically giving away for nothing when they had a sell out of old [or unpopular] books...

David -- it sounds as if carrying all those hardbacks with you is a good substitute for the gym ;-)

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