The here and now

It's been a fairly harrowing day, but I'm now feeling pretty good. I'm ensconced in McF's place in Waikanae up the Coast, and very pleasant it is too. Rose drove me up and helped me suss out the 20 point instruction list for 'bare maintenance' of the household that's been left for me before leaving me to it. I want to see the full maintenance set, with maps and diagrams and all.

I have a ridiculous amount of stuff with me. Snide remarks such as '300 books for 3 days' were made as we were leaving the olds. My answer was that you never know what you're going to want to consult, but I didn't let on I'd picked up more from Rose's. I can't conceive how I'm going to begin considering how to sort my life out at the moment, so I'm not going to worry about it, relax, and do stupid drawings (i.e. not worry how they come out either), hence the need for reference material.

I went to see the doctor today and he's upped my dosage to 'a more therapeutic level' (I think is what he said (my memory is shot, along with other basic cognitive functions, so I s'pose 20 point lists aren't entirely out of order)). It may well zombify me again, but I think I can cope with that.

Oh yeah, I've sussed how to deal with these panic attack things. Part of it is you start to breathe rapidly and shallowly, so you just breathe in deep slowly and measuredly through your nose, hold it for a sec, and then let it out slowly and measuredly through your mouth a few times till your heart rate's come down. Sweet as.

Of course you don't think of these basic things when you're spinning out (which is partly why I've written it out in full like this - to help fix it in my head).